This one is for all my stalkers~ holla atcha gurl.

I am a "working adult."

that means I am "responsible" and "timely" and "efficient" and all sorts of other lovely adjectives.

By working adult, I mean to say that I have a job that most people don't find until after they graduate, so I'm going to take you on a tour of what I do everyday.

My co-worker, Olivia, and I steal our manager's baby. (mostly Olivia, because she gets paid to steal Lily....they call it "babysitting")

I do filing LIKE A BOSS.

I get to wear fancy shoes. slacks. uncomfortable buttonups.

the whole Shabang.

I HAVE A MEMO BOARD WITH IMPORTANT THINGS ON IT.

I photocopy things. print. scan.

I've got this beast down.

I work wonders with the i-phone camera and promote our charity cabs.

Don't know what a charity cab is?

Well, I would tell you, but that would be too work intensive to me when someone else already wrote about it. click here if you really want to know, they are the tabs on the top.

This is Baldo, the mechanic/cab driver.

look at him, he is like a living relic of old Arizona.

I pretend like I'm overseeing media/advertisement processes,

Really, I'm just cold and taking pictures with my I-phone,

because everyone already  knows what they are doing.

I take numberous pictures of Lily, because I can.

I work with Brandy, who really is LIKE A BOSS.
I'm not at cool as she is, seriously, this woman signs contracts while breastfeeding.

..............and Lily.........

I think I'm a good photographer. what do you think?

Here are a few of our cab drivers. Yes, one of them is a dwarf, and he is cool, and he goes by "Giant." No, I have no idea how he reaches the pedals.

Sometimes I work with crazy people. Like this woman. who has a TV show. with a talking pinata. his name is poncho.... or something. oh, and apparently he is drunk a lot.

BUT

she is doing a segment on our company and our company takes her place to place (because her show is Destination Arizona, and she goes places.... with her drunk pinata...) Whatever. If you want to watch it, its aztv7 cable 13~ I have no idea what that means...... IS IT CHANNEL 7 or 13?!?!? But if you figure it out, its on Saturdays at 2:30. if you have nothing better to do.

I have my own phone line. where I take calls. and I have a picture of my cat.

Because I didn't want a picture of my family in case a weirdo falls in love with me and tries to kill them all.

I help find organizations to benefit, and last Thanksgiving we donated 30 turkeys.

(if you ever wanted to know what 30 turkeys looks like in a prius, now you have your answer)

I get to go to fun events like the AZ Urban Run to sit at a booth. Its awesome, I get to enjoy the festivities of a marathon, without having to run- my two favorite things! Also, I know these people, aren't they darling?

here is another sample of my photography and work together.

think I should go pro?

I have my own nerdy science nameplate.

Ms. Johnson, in elements from the periodic table form.

Sweet, but not for long; soon I will be upgrading to Mrs. Kirkland

I really enjoy taking pictures, I don't know if you gathered that...

So essentially my job is reading memos, creating memos, acting on memos, filing memos, calling about memos, calling to create memos, emailing memos, and taking pictures.

oh, and I write for this blog occasionally.

 

and that is kind of like my life.

Besides school. and planning a wedding.

I'm going to sit on my front porch and wait for the apocalypse.

And so another year has passed.

It felt like that magical moment of when you turned 18 and became an "adult"

oh wait.... there was nothing magical about that~ your molecular chemistry didn't change, people were still idiots, and you were still grounded.

We make such a big deal about January 1st being.... special~ the era of New Beginnings.

Here is the thing people, you don't need a new year to start over- you just need a new you, and by a new you I don't mean plastic surgery, or a diet, or a new wardrobe. I simply mean a perspective change on your behalf.... although if plastic surgery and dieting helps then by all means go for it.

This past year has been perhaps the hardest year in my whole life.

blah blah blah

this is where I say "woe is me" and tell you a bunch of sad things, but we all have sad things. So... I'm not going to revel in it, I'm just going to move on~ acknowledge, but not forget. Yet, all these experiences have made me stronger, have made me cling to live more fiercely. It makes me want to shake my fist and say "Bring it!" to who? I have no idea. But I'm getting married to my prince charming, and I've got a killer job as an executive assistant at Beyond Green and I'm going to get my degree and be amazing at whatever I do.

My resolutions? they are not New Years Resolutions, because if they were they wouldn't last to February. I call them.... Kylie's Resolutions.

Kylie's Resolutions

1. 

   I'm going to get in shape so I can wiggle my not so little pattokie into my glove sized dress. YES. I GAINED 25 POUNDS SINCE BEING ENGAGED.  you know why? because I'm happy, and when I'm happy I eat~ its what mormons do. thats why we are all so plump, because we are happy. Who doesn't love a good hearty feast? alright... you got me.... its because I'm lazy and I like taco bells XXL grilled stuffed burrito (with steak). ((but on a positive side note, I went from a B-cup, to a D-cup.... just a thought for you ladies to stew over~ breast implants? no, TACO BELL IS THE ANSWER))
2. 

   I'm going to limit myself to one soda a day, and then one a week, and then one a month, and then one on special occasions,because I care about my body and I know that if my body hates me, my body will tattle to my brain, and then my brain will turn on me, and I will subconciously hate myself
3. 

   I'm going to paint amazing artwork and sell it. because I've already been commissioned to do paintings and I'm a REAL artist and it makes me feel like a bad a$$
4. 

   I'm going to learn how to walk in heels with out bending my knees and having a hunched back and writhing in pain like everyone else, because thats how empowered women walk~ and I want to be an empowered woman.

5. 

   this picture makes me happy <3

   I'm going to be happy, because I can and the sun is shinning (still.... or we could just wait on the front porch for armagedeon and the sun to explode and cry about how we killed all the polar bears)
6. 

   I'm going to love more deeply, because if I love more deeply than there is no room for hate and if there is no room for hate.... my life will be about as perfect as it can get.

Bring it, New Year.

"He said, I said, that He did in fact say what I said, when he said it" nonsense. The Story of Us

Once upon a time... I was having a bad day. So I called my friend Rees to rescue me from myself (and my house). Rees with his sidekick, Norman, came to do the only thing there is to do when life is a b%#@$ .... we went dumpster diving for krisy kreme donuts. It was a successful mission. I was wearing my friendship algorithm shirt from my beloved Chelsea (whom I love more than words can say, I lived with her and she was my best roommate. period) and my hideous orange cutoff sweatpants from Areopostale with my super sweet converse knockoffs that had my life quote on them. curious about my life quote? its from Lord of the Rings... I'm kind of insane about Lord of the Rings. I even took a class on it at ASU; Ents, Orcs, and Hobbits: Tolkien's Middle Earth Vikings. I highly recommend the class~ it is simply wonderful. Anyways, what I had written around my shoes was:

The Road goes ever on and on

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the Road has gone,

And I must follow, if I can,

Pursuing it with eager feet,

Until it joins some larger way

Where many paths and errands meet.

And whither then? I cannot say.

It is rather shoe appropriate, is it not?

Well then we went back to the house of Rees to enjoy our spoils... before they spoiled... and lo and behold upon our arrival, a stranger arrived at the very exact moment. Rees went to greet him and I simply stared. The stranger, who I later learned was a brother of Matt's, was no stranger at all. He looked at me and before I could let my subconscious find the socially appropriate way to say it...... I simply said "I know your face."

He gave me this really weirded out look, perplexed if you will. He stared at me for probably 5 minutes mulling it over in his mind, I could totally see the cogs turning.

Then I remembered, I had meet him as a wee little freshman in college on a hike in Palm Canyon. He handed me a hot dog after the hike, we exchanged maybe one or two sentences. It had nearly been two years since the hike. Kylie has an awesome memory.

ps. on an embarrassing sidenote, Matt got stuck on a canyon wall when trying to climb up it and lost his mancard and as his future sister I cannot in good conscious not let the world know.

Jon was down for the summer for work with his cousin Ryan who is a lovely person who I thought hated me, turns out he was just exhausted and I was wasting his sleep time. sorry Ryan.


So we talked half the night, this boy from Yuma named Jon, the group I initially came with, and me. I was myself. totally charming. hilarious. wonderful. etc. etc. Then I left.... and nothing really happened..... 
EXCEPT THE FACT JON ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK.
but then nothing happened after that either.


A few weeks went by... I wanted to go out, but instead I was too lethargic and boring so I logged on to my good ol' social network. I stumbled upon Jon.... on chat... so.... I 'chatted him up' and played the whole, I'm-really-cute-and-coy-and-charming. It totally worked. the conversation may have gone a little something like this:


*actually, it went exactly like this... I cut and past from my facebook inbox.

• 
  

  August 13

  Kylie Beth Johnson

  • hey you
  • how is life?
• 
  

  August 13

  Jon Kirkland

  • hey yourself
• 
  

  August 13

  Kylie Beth Johnson

  • I bet it is pretty spectacular since being ejected and surviving
• 
  

  August 13

  Jon Kirkland

  • it still is
  • i actually haqd this funny thought the other day when i was driving with a few other people that i might have escaped death like in final destiny, and that death would more than likely be trying to catch up with me
  • i warned them to ride with me at their own peril
• 
  

  August 13

  Kylie Beth Johnson

  • haha I do like your sense of humor
  • I've never seen a final destiny.
  • However, I completely understand
    • 
      

      August 13

      Jon Kirkland

      • i wouldn't recommend it...i only saw it because i worked at blimpies and during slow hours we would just watch the tv
      • you watch whatever comes on cable
      • plot" they should have died in a car accident but survived...and how death always gets whats his
    • 
      

      August 13

      Kylie Beth Johnson

      • I don't have time for tv, unfortunately. I also live in a household where 5 girls claim dominion over out two TVs. I'm pretty much screwed unless I want to watch 16 and pregnant
    • 
      

      August 13

      Jon Kirkland

      • bahahaha
      • nice word play on "screwed" and "16 and pregnant"
    • 
      

      August 13

      Kylie Beth Johnson

      • and I thought you didn't notice....
      • are you back in Yuma?
        • 
          

          August 13

          Jon Kirkland

          • nah, i stayed up at reec's and matt's to work tiull i have to go to school
          • i'm heading back sometime this weekend
          • and i'll touch and go in yuma and head to tucson
        • 
          

          August 13

          Kylie Beth Johnson

          • I wouldn't mind hanging out again, you seem like a pretty fly cat.
        • 
          

          August 13

          Jon Kirkland

          • anything in mind?
        • 
          

          August 13

          Kylie Beth Johnson

          • nope. I'm far to easy going and decison making is hard for me
        • 
          

          August 13

          Jon Kirkland

          • you too seem like quite the intriguing person
            • 
              

              August 13

              Kylie Beth Johnson

              • I'm almost like a man. mentality wise. that is why it is so easy to talk to me
              • don't worry, I held on to a few of my feminine traits
            • 
              

              August 13

              Jon Kirkland

              • i hope you dont tke this wrong but if ever there was a chameleon of personas...you would take the title
            • 
              

              August 13

              Kylie Beth Johnson

              • hahaha
              • I'm not offended I get that alot
              • what personas have you seen
            • 
              

              August 13

              Jon Kirkland

              • well theres the "one fo the guys" persona when everyone was talking, and then the " yeah but i'm very much a woman" persona
              • hold on i just got a call
            • 
              

              August 13

              Kylie Beth Johnson

              • okay.
                
                
                
                
                BLAH BLAH BLAH more facebook flirting crap
                
                
                then i made a move to be like "hey idiot. I want dinner."
                
                
                
                

                • 
                  

                  August 13

                  Jon Kirkland

                  • haha, when i was younger i wanted to be three things:
                  • an indian, a garbage truck driver ( get to use that claw) and the prophet
                  • sadly i eventually learned that i WASN'T an indian, i lost interest in being a garbage truck driver when i learned the full job description, and realized i would never be the prophet
                • 
                  

                  August 13

                  Kylie Beth Johnson

                  • shut up. you could be the prophet
                  • how about we discuss these things over dinner?
                • 
                  

                  August 13

                  Jon Kirkland

                  • done and done, seeing as how you have the run of the land here, where and when?
                • 
                  

                  August 13

                  Kylie Beth Johnson

                  • well, I do not have a car, how about you come to my place, and we can decide from there.
                  • whatever time this evening is best suited for you

                    
                    

                    
                    

                    Did you see it?

                    it was the part when I was all like "Hey..... Lets  discuss this over dinner

                    
                    

                    essentially, I was saying I'm available right now and I want dinner.

                    
                    

                    and the rest of the story is  kind of history from there.

                    ps. It is kind of embarrassing to read this facebook chat.... much less post it.... that's why I took out a large portion of the flirting. it was disgusting.

                    
                     

                    We went to the Jungle Cafe and it was delicious and I was awkward and you better believe it when I tell you that I spoke to the fish in the fishtank. I couldn't help it...... they were so cute and stupid looking. I also ordered a phillycheesesteak, shoutout to my beloved Chelsea! If there was one thing that I could eat forever and never grow weary of.... it would be the cheesesteak. Apparently this act also garnered respect in Jon's eyes because he was afraid I'd order a salad..... pfff.

                    
                    

                    The next weekend he picked me up from my second job at Petsmart. It was my first day "on the floor" so to speak. So I made him help me pick out a betta fish. We named him Cobalt, because cobalt is our element, my favorite color, and its elemental atomic mass is my lucky number... 27. I needed Cobalt because of my animal collecting habit I've mentioned previously.... and because we were suppose to go on a fishing date and IF I didn't catch a fish, I still wanted to be able to say that I brought one home that day. You could say that getting Cobalt was the first thing we did as a couple.

                    
                    

                    
                    

                    
                    

That date was wonderful... I managed to catch my first fish..... with Jon's help..... turns out that despite my romantic view of it, I really suck at fishing. Anyways, the catfish was this mutant creature from this manmade lake that is dyed blue to keep the rich, snobby picture happy with their picturesque view. I felt really bad for him, and we obviously couldn't eat him.... because he was a mutant.... so I named him Galileo and Jon helped me release him. On a sidenote.... CATFISH FEEL LIKE VELVET. Lady GaGa should try wearing a catfish outfit at the next red carpet event. I think it would be all the rage. Catfish also buzz and have these spurrs on the side of their fins and Galileo tried to kill me with them. It was absolutely terrifying.


Galileo also managed to b!%@# slap me.

You know that moment, when you catch a fish, and someone has a camera (that someone being Jon) and you say "TAKE MY PICTURE! TAKE MY PICTURE!" and then you hold the fish up to take the picture relatively close to you, and then the thing violently shakes as Jon presses the shutter button and the camera snaps at the perfect moment to catch your face tilted back from impact and shock and the fish still in midair in a perfect "J" curve?

well... here it is....

 you couldn't have asked for a better fish picture.....

it's okay though, because Galileo behaved himself for the next one.

gah. look at that hair.

You know you would really think I'd actually try to impress the guy I liked...

whatever.

It's alright though, it was right after said event that Jon asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes.... despite the distance*, despite our wild hectic lives, despite school~ it was as if all that mattered in this world was he and I in our perfect universe.
*sidenote: Jon is from Yuma and at the time was going to school in Tucson.

The rest of the story includes sweet romantic overtures, driving to see one another (mostly on his part), working two jobs, and then one, meltdowns about school and future, and endless phonecalls.

We had kind of planned to get married about ten days into our courtship. He asked my Father for my hand in marriage. I guess he had mentioned that I was his goodly pearl of great price, (which I just mentioned he was in my last post and had no idea) and that he loved me with everything he had. Then he proposed (story coming to a blog near you ASAP). We were engaged in roughly a month.... and......... our engagement was to last six months, which is killing me.... less than three months to go. I should probably plan the wedding.....